Resistance: The Umbra Chronicles Book 3 Page 17

  ‘We need to know what she is planning.’

  ‘Does this thing see the future?’ I asked. ‘Your Majesty?’ Manners, Emer. Manners.

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘Then how will tearing her mind apart help us? In case you’ve forgotten, she’s your daughter, all grown up. She might have done terrible things, but she’s still your daughter.’

  The look Saoirse threw the King then was something unexpected. There was a vulnerability in her I hadn’t expected. I’d spent my whole life longing for family. Maybe I wasn’t the only one. Aine had wanted a family so badly she’d been prepared to step all over me, her only friend, to get one. Did Saoirse — Aoife — want the same thing? I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit that a person could be truly evil.

  I’d killed Maldwyn. I hadn’t had much choice. He’d had me trapped and every person I loved was in danger because I couldn’t help them. I’d often thought about killing him. I’d always thought I’d feel good about it, that I’d feel free, but I hadn’t.

  I’d felt like a murderer. It wasn’t murder. I was defending myself. But that response was what made me different from him. I still had a conscience, and I didn’t want to live to see the day that it wasn’t still tender. Even for my enemies. So, I had to stand up for Saoirse here today. Make sure others would be safe from her evil plans, but that didn’t mean I had to be as bad as she was.

  Maybe I wasn’t the nice one. But that didn’t make me bad.

  I went on. ‘I know what she is planning, your Majesty. She told me herself, when she had me a prisoner in the cleft of the rock. She could never resist gloating. She kept prisoners, instead of killing them, because it made her feel powerful to retain that control over them, to know that she had something or someone that her enemies wanted. A woman like that could never keep her plans to herself if the opportunity to gloat should arise.

  ‘And I remember. Well, I don’t remember everything, because I was too small for most of it, and the creepyguardians,’ whoops, didn’t mean to say that out loud, ‘kept us in such secrecy. But we were taught history and I read books. I know what happened. And since it worked last time, there is no reason why she wouldn’t do it again.

  ‘If you listen to me, you will soon learn her plans. I told you, I came here to help everyone. I came here to stop all this happening. All you have to do is believe me, and we might have a chance to create a new world, a better world. One where all of you survive.’

  I made eye contact with each of them. By God, I loved them all. Aine. Andras. The King. Gwydion. They were my family, all of them. The King passed his hand over his eyes. He pulled his hand away. It gleamed with the faint shimmer of tears. He looked at his hand like it was something new.

  ‘I had forgotten,’ he mused. ‘The first day she arrived here, she wept in my arms. But there were no tears on her cheeks. I wanted so much to believe her that I refused to even admit the evidence of my own eyes. No wonder, my dear, you were so insistent that you retire to your own room in the evening. Guards, take her away. We have had enough of this. Gwydion, of your kindness, please go with them and make sure she will remain secure.’

  Gwydion bowed. ‘Order me, Father, and I will go.’ He followed the guards escorting Saoirse.

  ‘Help me down the stairs, Andras,’ the King said. Andras did as he was bade. Aine moved to support her father’s other side. I rose to my feet on shaky knees. Discreetly, Oisin looped his arm around mine so my hand ended up in the crook of his arm. Smooth. Very smooth.

  ‘We must talk, Bach Chwaer.’ Pain crossed his face. ‘Emer.’ A nerve ticked in his jaw. ‘I am so sorry I didn’t believe you.’ His voice was cracked and rough and those tears glimmered in his eyes again. ‘I am truly so sorry. You are my granddaughter and I treated you like a criminal.’

  ‘Not exactly a criminal,’ I replied, watching as the door closed behind Saoirse.

  ‘No, not exactly. But not anything like a granddaughter. And no matter what lies that woman spoke, simply seeing your face proves that you are one of Umbra’s heirs. I can never apologise enough.’

  ‘Then stop,’ I recommended. I was getting teary myself, and I didn’t like it. ‘We’re family.’ I put my hand out for him to shake. He pressed it to his forehead, instead, a gesture that reminded me of Umbra in my brow. Clearly it reminded her, too, because a soft light shone on his downbent head.

  I caught Aine’s eye and nodded, trying to convey my forgiveness to her, too. None of them deserved it, but wasn’t that how we’d gotten into this trouble in the first place. I’d lied to them. They mistrusted me because of my lies. I mistrusted them because they betrayed my ideals. It had to stop somewhere. Forgiving them didn’t take away what had happened, but it opened up a future for us. The only way we could ever come to be close was if we shared things with each other. And we couldn’t do that if we were holding onto wrongs.

  We went into the King’s study again. When I’d seen him struggling to ascend and descend the basalt stairs of the dais in the throne room, I’d wondered how he had the strength to climb all those stairs to his tower. I’d never actually climbed all the stairs myself, I’d always cast a magic wind to raise me to the top.

  Maybe I wasn’t the creative genius I thought I was, I mused, as the King cast a wind beneath all of us to raise us to the landing outside the door. He chuckled when he saw my chagrin. ‘I’m a foolish old man, but I’m not useless, granddaughter!’

  I patted his arm.

  Inside, the King bade everyone to get comfortable and encouraged me to share what I knew with them.

  It was a long story. I told them everything I’d read in the history books, everything the White Queen had done, either by reputation or what I’d witnessed myself. I told them what Saoirse had done, when she had me at her mercy in the ruins of Cairnagorn, and what she’d said in the cleft of the rock.

  Gwydion added what he knew from the current situation in Meistria. Rheged was in revolution. The Rhydda were all following a man they called the Hound of Cairastel, a middle-aged man who carried himself like a hero. They refused to even speak his name, they said.

  This was a time for truth, so I spoke up. ‘His name is Caradoc,’ I said.

  ‘The man who led the rebellion against the Empress?’ Aine asked.

  I nodded. ‘He fought the White Queen when the Empress died, and was imprisoned by her. She… tortured him.’ Not even for them could I say that she’d raped him. They didn’t need to know. ‘She called him her dog and ordered him to bark. That’s how he got the name Cuchulainn. It means guard dog in the old language. He found Umbra,’ I touched my brow, ‘and gave her to me when I was still a child. He was captured again, trying to protect me. He grew old in captivity. I brought him back with me, through the Portal.’

  ‘Then Caradoc is still alive!’ Aine cried. She leaped to her feet and took my hands. ‘Emer, that’s wonderful! Isn’t it?’

  Andras didn’t look like he thought it was wonderful. He looked like he’d just been punched in the gut, but didn’t say anything.

  I shook my head. ‘No, Aine. Caradoc is dead. Saoirse told me. She kept him prisoner last time, but because he made so much trouble, she killed him this time. Caradoc is dead. Cuchulainn is the man Caradoc will become. They aren’t the same person.’

  Andras relaxed a little bit.

  ‘But…’ Aine looked confused. ‘I thought you loved him. What difference does it make if he’s just a few years older?’

  ‘Twenty years older,’ I corrected. ‘Twenty hard years older. He doesn’t feel for me now what he felt then. He thinks I’m a child now. He said-’ I bit my lip. I wasn’t going to repeat what he’d said, but the words were etched on my mind. He’d said that if he saw a man his age making overtures to a girl my age, he’d call him a pervert. It was an ugly word, and what I felt for him wasn’t ugly. But if he thought it was ugly, then I didn’t want him. Besides,

  ‘Maybe he didn’t love me, anyway,’ I said, bitterly. ‘He was using me to get the Seeds of Tru
th to Darragh. Darragh had Caradoc’s sister imprisoned.’ I looked at Oisin. ‘Niamh. If I hadn’t failed to use the last Seed properly, Niamh would be freed. Caradoc found me convenient, that’s all.’

  ‘Convenient?’ I hadn’t expected the King to speak up on this topic. He’d never known Caradoc at all, neither when he was Caradoc nor when he became Cuchulainn. At least, Cuchulainn had never mentioned him. ‘The Hound of Cairastel has not spared any effort, granddaughter. He left the fighting in Rheged to go to Cairnagorn. For you, I imagine, given what I saw in your memory. He has since been fighting his way across Meistria, stalling the progress of the White Queen to Ce’deira. It seems quite clear, Emer, that Cuchulainn does not see you as a casual acquaintance. And if he still cares for you, after twenty hard years, he cared a great deal for you then. A man who keeps a flame alive in his heart for two decades did not view you as simply convenient.’

  I turned away. I didn’t want them to see me cry. I struggled to control myself, but didn’t succeed. I heard Andras murmur my name before I felt his hands on my shoulders. He turned me towards him and I wept against his chest. I don’t know how he could hold me like that when I was weeping for love of another man. Andras was special to me, so special. But I would never love him like I’d loved Caradoc.

  Umbra’s voice was soothing in my mind, wordless comfort. I regained control of myself and turned back to everyone, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.

  ‘So how do we get started on this?’ I asked. ‘How long will it take troops to reach Ce’deira?’

  Chapter Eighteen

  Andras escorted me back to my room after hours of discussions. After we’d reached some kind of consensus on what we were actually planning to do, the King sent for various members of his cabinet, senior officials and military commanders. I started to fade after lunch was brought in. I’d been awake for a very, very long time. Oisin was getting quieter, too, even for him, but he’d napped while we were imprisoned.

  Eventually I had to admit that I either went away to sleep or slept right where I was. Andras came with me. As we neared my room, I turned to him and put my hand on his arm. Something had changed for me when I was crying for Caradoc today. Andras was special to me, but I didn’t love him. Just sharing my body with him wasn’t enough, and at the same time, was too much. It wasn’t fair to him, and it wasn’t fair to me, either.

  ‘I think I’d like some time alone,’ I said, reaching for what I can only assume is a classic cop out.

  Andras’s hands smoothed over my shoulders before he dropped a kiss on my forehead. ‘Of course,’ he murmured, clearly not getting the point at all. ‘You must be exhausted. I’ll see you settled then let you rest.’

  So, he did. It was nice, having someone look after me. There weren’t many periods of my life where I’d had someone to look after me. I gobbled up his every solicitous action, knowing that as soon as I gained the courage to tell him my decision, I was going to have to look out for myself again. But it was nice, so nice, to have someone tuck me in and close the door behind them.

  I slept for hours. When I woke, it was already night. It was jarring to wake, rested and alert, and know that I wasn’t going to see the sun any time soon. I’d missed the day. I hauled myself out of bed, as though by going faster I could regain the light that was already lost.

  I opened my door, a little surprised that it wasn’t locked, and found a guard there.

  ‘Yes, your Highness?’

  I hadn’t expected to be called your Highness. Aine was the princess, not me. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be ready to be a “your Highness.” So, I ignored it, like a child who closes her eyes to avoid something she fears.

  ‘Can I get something to eat?’ I asked. My voice was small. I didn’t sound like a Highness. I still sounded like a prisoner.

  ‘Certainly, your Highness. Your family have already eaten their evening meal and didn’t want to disturb you. Is there anything in particular you would like or would you like the cook to prepare the same meal for you as they had?’

  ‘Uh, um, no. Some bread and soup would be fine.’

  I went back into my room. So, I was still guarded. Now it was probably to keep me safe, rather than keeping others safe from me. Probably it was supposed to make a big difference. If the creepyguardians hadn’t told me my whole life that they were only keeping us safe, I might have been more sanguine about it.

  I paced around the room while I waited for my combination breakfast and supper. The moonlight was already spilling onto the floor. If I wanted to, I could step into it and transform. I might go find Rhiannon and Sparrow. I had no idea where they were and that was probably very wrong of me.

  They’d seen me arrested. They had no way of knowing that I’d been exonerated. At least they had been among the Draceni, so they weren’t completely alone in a new environment. Once I’d had my breakfast, I’d fly from the room and see if they had found accommodation somewhere, or if they’d gone back to the Draceni camp after dropping off the refugees.

  I kept pacing.

  It was going to take ages. The King had tried to explain it several different ways but I still didn’t understand why it was going to take so long. I thought Meistria and Camaria were already at war. Surely their armies were ready to go?

  Apparently not. The Camiri fleet was currently engaged on the opposite side of the continent, not too far from the ruins of Cairastel. The troops were mostly engaged in the north. Ce’deira was in the south. Neither ships nor ground troops were going to get there any time soon.

  Aoife had an unexpected advantage. Thanks to the wholesale desertion of her army, she didn’t have to move large numbers of people to get to her goal. She could move quickly and freely, unhindered by a vast army.

  I laughed bitterly, quietly, so the guard outside my room wouldn’t think I was weird.

  Things were moving. Finally. Finally. But it was too slow. Every moment spent organising and waiting was a moment wasted. And the travel speed of an army — I never realised they were so slow. I’d worked so hard for this, given it every shred of energy, and at best, we might encounter the White Queen at the height of her powers sometime next month.

  That wasn’t okay. It wasn’t. We had to stop her before she could reach Ce’deira. Afterwards we might not even have a chance. But the army would take so long to march…

  I paced around the room wishing I had Andras there. He would calm me down. He could certainly distract me. There were so many thoughts whirling around my head that I didn’t think I could stand it.

  I couldn’t let Aoife win. I couldn’t let the White Queen rule the Thousand Counties. All the people dying every day in the purges. All the magi burned. All the Camiri decimated until there wasn’t one left alive in Meistria.

  And Sparrow would go dark. I’d seen it in the Empress, how the years of bitterness and loneliness had turned into ambition that didn’t care who it hurt. Even if Sparrow could survive in this world, where no family was untouched by sorrow, where every community was bitten by fear, it would break her. She was powerful, as powerful as I was. Her bitterness could be even more devastating than Aoife’s anger. I had to create a safe world, a world where we could be happy, for the girl I loved more than my own life.

  But an army would take a month to reach Ce’deira.

  I could get there faster if I went on my own.

  The thought stopped my pacing, bringing me up so sharply I nearly stumbled. It wasn’t wrong. I could get there faster on my own. I looked out the window, still shimmering with the shield Saoirse had placed there.

  I could get there in time.

  I took a step closer to the window.

  The others would never let me go alone. Aine would insist on coming, Gwydion would insist on coming and the King would never let them travel into danger without his army to accompany them. I needed to go alone. No one could know what I was planning.

  I looked out the window, unseeing.

  I didn’t even have a map. I’d heard of Ce’de
ira but I’d never been there. Up until recently, I’d never been anywhere. How could I get a map?

  The King’s library. I’d been in there several times. I’d found out how to use Umbra’s Portal by reading a book in his library. There were thousands of books in there. Surely one of them was an atlas.

  I had a flash of an idea and it struck me hard. If I had a future beyond all of this, which wasn’t something I’d even considered before, I could travel. I could take an atlas from the King’s library and just travel around the Thousand Counties.

  A future where I could go wherever I wanted? The very thought was… unthinkable, and yet, I was thinking it. Could there be a future beyond all this?

  Andras had asked what a happy future looked like to me. I’d thought of so many things I’d loved in the past, thought of things that I could never regain. Those thoughts had left me sadder than I was when I wasn’t thinking about what would make me happy. But was it possible that there could be a happy future-?

  I shrugged off the thought. I didn’t have time for that nonsense. I had to find a map. Flying would be the fastest way to travel. If I let the moonlight touch me, I wouldn’t be able to change myself back until daylight, but would that really be a problem? During the day I could still turn myself into anything I wanted.

  There was a knock at the door. I called, ‘Come!’ like I really was a Highness and headed for the table.

  I might have been slightly disappointed it was Aine, and not my soup, but I tried not to show it.

  ‘Hello,’ I said, stupidly.

  ‘Hello.’ So, Highnesses could sound stupid, too. ‘Did you sleep?’

  I nodded. ‘It was a big night and a big day. I’m expecting my breakfast any minute.’

  This was supposed to be code for “Please leave” but I’m apparently not great at sending signals. Offending people, now that was my specialty. Second only to my skill at making enemies. What else could you expect from someone who isn’t the nice one?